“The Mind Stone is the fourth of the Infinity Stones to show up in the last few years. That’s not a coincidence. Someone has been playing an intricate game and has made pawns of us.” – Thor (Avengers: Age of Ultron)
“Endgame” is a term used to label the late stage of a chess game when there’s fewer pieces on the board–and the King becomes a more powerful figure. This is why Strange saved Tony–not only because Tony will be a pivotal figure moving forward, but to lose Tony would be checkmate. (x)
CHARACTERS: Chris Evans x first-person OFC (Jade) RATING: Mature GENRE: Who Needs a Plot? Not Me! (But there may be a little plot in here.) WARNINGS: General debauchery, sex, language, hot sexy Chris Evans being a smartass… did I mention sex? And angst.
AUTHOR’S NOTE: Here’s where we are gonna start off — being sad. Yeah I know. I don’t know what I was thinking.
Fall was, by far, my most favorite time of the year in the Midwest … when it cooperate that is. In Indiana, one day could be 65 and fall-crisp perfect. Then you’re hit with wind, rain, and a chill of barely 40 degrees.
It was fickle, but when it hit it right, it was pretty gorgeous. Staring out my office window, I couldn’t help but feel sad that I was cooped up indoors while such a right, Midwest fall day was occurring outside.
With a heavy sigh, I turned back to my computer to continue picking away at a story I just couldn’t find the motivation to continue. But with my deadline creeping up the next day, I needed to bang it out as quickly as possible.
CHARACTERS: Chris Evans x first-person OFC (Jade) RATING: Mature GENRE: Who Needs a Plot? Not Me! (But there may be a little plot in here.) WARNINGS: General debauchery, sex, language, hot sexy Chris Evans being a smartass… did I mention sex? And angst.
AUTHOR’S NOTE: Here’s where we are gonna start off — being sad. Yeah I know. I don’t know what I was thinking.
Fall was, by far, my most favorite time of the year in the Midwest … when it cooperate that is. In Indiana, one day could be 65 and fall-crisp perfect. Then you’re hit with wind, rain, and a chill of barely 40 degrees.
It was fickle, but when it hit it right, it was pretty gorgeous. Staring out my office window, I couldn’t help but feel sad that I was cooped up indoors while such a right, Midwest fall day was occurring outside.
With a heavy sigh, I turned back to my computer to continue picking away at a story I just couldn’t find the motivation to continue. But with my deadline creeping up the next day, I needed to bang it out as quickly as possible.
A sharp rap on my door frame happily pulled my attention away from the blinking cursor in front of me. I turned and smiled at my co-worker, friend, and fellow nerd Kate. “Hey, what’s up?”
“Soooo…. What do you think?” she asked as bounced into the office and dropped in the chair next to my desk.
“About …. What?” I asked, eyebrow raised. With Kate, her question could pertain to a number of things — from our mutual love of the Great British Baking Show to the last teaser trailer for “Captain Marvel.”
“The freakin’ Con in Chicago this weekend!” she practically squealed, quite literally vibrating in the chair. “They announced Chris Evans was going last minute! Tickets are going on sale first thing tomorrow morning.”
My heart thudded against my chest and I had to turn away and attempt to hide the blush I knew was starting up my face. “Oh yeah? No, I hadn’t heard that,” I said as evenly as I could.
I had no poker face, but against all odds I had been able to keep from most of my friends and everyone at the office what had happened during my business trip to Boston only a few weeks ago. Aside from the fact I had slept with a complete stranger not once, but several times, I did not want to broadcast that the stranger had been none other than Chris Evans.
Yeah, definitely not an easy conversation there, especially for someone who had spent a lot of time in the office joking about marrying said man in the future.
No one can take a joke anymore.
“You are so full of shit,” Kate laughed. “You’ve probably known about it for hours and left me in the dark!”
I pursed my lips and went back to poking at my keyboard. Truth of the matter was I hadn’t known about his appearance at all and I felt a sudden ire at the fact — not because I had been mute to all comic con news, but because I had the source on hand and he didn’t say anything to me.
Yes, though it had started as a one-night stand with Chris, it had become … something else. We had exchanged phone numbers before I left and surprisingly, he kept in touch with me. Definitely not what I had been expecting, but really everything with Chris so far had thrown me for a loop.
“Jade?” Kate asked, the mirth now gone from her voice.
I took a deep breath, “Yeah you’re right. I knew about it, but there’s no way I can swing it. Which is super disappointing.”
She frowned and sat back in the chair, “Man, I’m sorry, girl. I didn’t mean to …”
A forced laugh left my lips as I turned to smile at her, “Seriously, it’s cool. I mean, yeah I’m disappointed, but I really shouldn’t. I’d probably get myself into a whole load of trouble.”
Her grin returned, “I still think it would be cool if you proposed.”
I rolled my eyes, feeling my cheeks blush. It was so easy to joke about shit like that when Chris was some distant being I would never see in my orbit. But with my cell phone right next to me, chronicling the crazy, long conversations we had been having over the last few weeks as well as marking the numerous times we had called each other “just to catch up,” reality came up to smack me hard in the face — it’s fucking weird to joke about that shit when you have, in fact, slept with said person.
“Nah, too fucking weird,” I said as she stood and headed for the door.
“We should get together this weekend and lament your missed opportunity with a Cap marathon,” Kate said.
Normally, I would jump on that in a heartbeat…
“Yeah, maybe. We’ll see?”
“Sure!” she said with a chipper smile. “I gotta jet. Mason is wanting to go out for drinks.”
“Oooh,” I teased as I started to log off too. “Sounds like it’s a little bit more than casual, Kate.”
She rolled her eyes and shrugged, “We’ll see. You leaving too?”
I shook my head, “Nah, got one more thing to do then I’m out. Don’t wait.”
Once she was down the hallway and out of sight, I snatched my phone and opened up my messages. Clicking on the window of conversation I had going with Chris, my fingers typed out a quick message.
Hey what are you up to?
He didn’t owe me anything. He didn’t owe me a damn thing. I knew that. Rational Jade was smart, and didn’t expect a movie star living most of his life in Hollywood to key me into every bit of his life. But said movie star had opened the door — he had asked me about Chicago not five fucking days ago. He was seriously a dumbass if he thought I had forgotten about that.
I nearly jumped out of my skin when my phone vibrated in response.
I pursed my lips and tried to stay calm. Again, he didn’t owe me anything … but he had fucking brought it up first. How was he going to ask me how far I was from Chicago, keep me in the dark, and then freakin’ sneak into a con last minute without letting me know? We may have not been a couple, but we were friends. Or at least that was the impression I had gotten.
I typed out my response and hit send before I could change my mind.
Best to be straight to the point, right? I thought so anyway. I immediately sat the phone back on the desk, face down, and chewed on my thumb nail. I wasn’t worried about his response. Nope, not worried at all.
So what if I just got bitchy with the guy playing Captain America? Whatever. I didn’t care. He could go to Chicago and not say anything to me about it. It’s cool. He just best not expect me to respond to his innuendos positively anymore.
It had been a bit and my phone had yet to vibrate with a response. My knee bouncing anxiously, I snatched the phone and opened the message window again. He was not going to ignore me on this …
I stared at the three little dots for what seemed like an eternity. They would disappear for a moment, then reappear, taunting me as Chris was obviously crafting his response. The dots stopped one final time and never appeared again. I sighed, sitting the phone down and putting a hand over my face.
Way to go, Jade. Being reactionary and not trying to be calm has once again fucked everything up.
I jumped a mile at least when the phone began to buzz and vibrate with my ringtone. My hand lashed out, grabbing the phone and turning it over … my heart sank to my stomach as that ridiculous nickname with the equally ridiculous peach emoji next to it flashed at the top.
Fucking hell.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes as I swiped to answer and put the phone to my ear.
“Before you say anything, I’m sorry,” Chris’ warm voice came through.
Each time we talked on the phone, it hit me right in the gut. How rough his actual voice was, laced with the hints of that Boston accent. He either had been on set all day or he had just finished a cigarette. He thought he was clever, but I knew he was still smoking occasionally. Even though I asked him to stop. And I knew his mother asked him to stop.
But I wasn’t his mother. Wait, why am I talking about his mother?
I pursed my lips, trying to figure out if I wanted to be mad at him or just tell myself to get over it. He wasn’t anything to me … right?
“Jade, honestly, I was trying to surprise you. I thought I could keep it secret long enough, but I should have known better,” Chris continued, rambling as even I could feel the rise in his anxiety. “I wasn’t trying to sneak into Chicago without you finding out.”
I made myself take a steady breath before I opened my mouth, “Is that why you asked me how far I was from Chicago?” I asked softly, hating how tight my voice sounded.
He sighed, “Yeah. I wanted to make sure it was doable. I’m not really subtle, am I?”
He was definitely charming, whether he was trying or not. I felt myself sigh too.
“Why didn’t you just say something then?” I asked quietly. “I was completely blind-sided today by Kate at work.”
Chris was quite a moment before I heard him draw in a breath. “I was going to fly you up here for the weekend,” he answered quietly.
My heart immediately tanked to my stomach, “You were gonna WHAT?”
I didn’t have to be looking at him to know that he was running a hand through his hair nervously now, “Um, yeah. I thought I would surprise you, fly you up here to spend the weekend.”
I sighed heavily, pressing a hand to my face, “Chris…”
“I know. I’m realizing now, it might not be the smartest move,” he answered quietly.
I felt horrible — like I had kicked a puppy. “It’s not that I wouldn’t want to come up to Chicago to see you, Chris,” I said softly, hoping to soften the obvious blow of the fact there was NO way I could just go up to Chicago this weekend.
“So you want to come?” he asked, voice lit up with a bit of hope.
“Of course I want to,” I answered a little more indignantly than I wanted to. “It’s just … I can’t just drop everything and fly up for two days.”
To that he didn’t have much to say and I started to feel even worse. “Chris, you’re going to be so busy at the Con those two days … I would probably barely get to see you,” I continued quietly.
He cleared his throat, “Yeah, yeah. You’re right.” Then a rueful chuckle floated through the phone. “I’m sorry, Jade. I should have let you know sooner instead of just springing it on you.”
I swallowed hard and picked at the skirt I was wearing, “It’s fine, Chris. I figured something was up when you texted me about how far I was from Chicago.”
“Well still. It’s not your job to read my mind, huh?” he joked, trying to lighten the mood. His voice didn’t quite carry it though.
I closed my eyes, trying to not feel silly. “It’s not like you owe me anything, Chris.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
His voice wasn’t vicious, but I could tell he was confused. I chewed on my bottom lip for a moment, thinking of my words carefully. “I mean … you and I aren’t dating or anything. You don’t have to tell me when you’re going to be places,” I said softly, feeling lame.
Surely he knew now — that I was pretty much attempting to avoid catching feelings for him. Because there was a snowball’s chance in hell that would ever happen. I had to keep myself in check because … well rejection was a bitch.
“Jade, of course I owe it to you to let you know if I’m going to be near you. We’re …” Chris trailed off, catching himself and my heart thudded painfully anymore.
This conversation was getting way out of control.
“Look, I’m sorry,” I said quickly, feeling my voice force its way out of my throat without hitching. “I shouldn’t have jumped all over you about it.”
“Jade,” he said suddenly and the pity I detected made me want to puke.
“Hey, I gotta go. Traffic is gonna be crazy and I have to run to the store before I head home,” I interrupted, gathering up my stuff.
“Jade, stop, please don’t think…,” Chris started, but I had a feeling I knew what he was going to say and I didn’t think I was ready to hear it.
“No worries. Seriously. We’ll talk later okay? Bye,” I squeaked out and then hung up.
Yeah … not my finest moment.
When I ended the call, I fell back into my chair and pressed my hands to my face. I was a freaking idiot. What was I thinking, texting him like that? That was just asking for trouble at best, and at the very worst, I would pretty much spill to Chris that I was fighting to keep my feelings at bay. Which of course, I was convinced I had just done.
Again, what was I thinking?
Pfft, being friends with Chris Evans? Now just as unbelievable as a fucking one night stand with the man.
Texts from Chris became sporadic after that night. I kept trying to tell myself he was finishing up filming and then he jetted to Chicago — his time wasn’t his own at the moment.
But it didn’t ease the fact that I had completely botched a good thing in my life and all because I wanted more than I could ever have.
He sent me a few pictures from the Con, telling me in clipped sentences how cool it was, that he was having a good time. I watched his live panel, however, and he looked so tired.
You should have fucking went.
Yeah, well, moot point now.
The following week was when the real radio silence started. I found myself staring at my phone, willing a text from Chris to appear and being immensely disappointed when one never would. Part of me wanted to call him, to apologize again and beg him to let our relationship — as weird and short as it was — go back to how it had been. But that was fantasy. He wouldn’t be able to forget my freak out anymore than I would.
I would have to just learn to let it go. And that was fine. I could do that. In theory.
“You sound a lot different than you did a few weeks ago,” my best friend Max said during our weekly Skype conversation. She was living in southern California and I envied her a little bit with each call. Especially now, when it was getting dreary in the Midwest and it matched my feelings.
“Work’s been pretty stressful,” I answered nonchalantly. It was a good fall back.
“Are you sure? After your trip to Boston, you seemed, I don’t know,” she pushed a bit more. “It was like your spirits were lighter. Like you had something to look forward to.”
I sighed, “Max, please don’t push this. I … I’ll tell you when I’m ready.”
“Well okay,” she said cautiously. “Hey, maybe you need a break. Why don’t you come out here for a week or so?”
I rolled my eyes, “I hate LA.” She knew that too.
“You’d love it this time of year, though. It’s so nice and warm. And I have some time I could take off. We can sit on a beach. Not talk about anything,” she continued, truly enticing me with each word.
I could use a getaway. And something that could get my mind off my latest fuck up.
“You know what, why not? Maybe I could learn to love LA after all.”
Max squealed on the computer screen and began rattling off dates for me to look at. She talked a lot in the following minutes, but I wasn’t really listening. My phone had vibrated and wouldn’t you know … it was a text from Chris.
Rockin’ & Rollin’ VBL Style 